Moments with Mary

BELONGING/S Belonging has an incredibly dual and introspective meaning.  When we love someone and they love us, we become part of them and therefore we belong to them and in turn, they belong to us.  Adding an “s” to this word, making it a plural, changes the word to Belongings, which are the personal effects of someone.  When someone we love dies, these two words belonging and belongings undergo significant change.  Belongings – all the things that were a physical part of our loved ones -- their clothes, jewelry, accessories, files and records, and everything else they own are disbursed to various family members or to local charities or other places that can redistribute their meaning to someone new.  So often, it isn’t easy letting go of parts and pieces of our loved one that were important to them, but putting them to good use can also bring a new sense of “belongings” to someone else. However, the holy longing we have for our loved one - while ever present, ...

GREED AND GRIEF No doubt after the death of a loved one, money issues can arise that can cause disparity and disruption inside a family relationship.  Suddenly, folks who were scarce come out to claim their share of the family money pie.  The death of a loved one doesn’t always bring out the best in people as it can bring out emotions of entitlement, especially when larger sums of money are on the line.  Trying to deal with these difficult issues can harvest a variety of negative emotions and really can make it extremely messy inside the family system.  It’s always hard to put a price or value to one’s life after death, let alone trying to satisfy the financial quest of those who become filled with greed.   Greed is an emotion that can compromise one’s values – not value in terms of money, but the values we hold in our own self-worth.  Greed always begs one to ask themselves this question:  Is my greed really worth It? If you are dealing with fami...

GRIEF AFTER DIVORCE/RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UP Grieving after a divorce or breaking off a relationship with someone you once deeply cared for means taking a different road down the journey of grief.  Regardless, you still need to take the time to grieve the loss of an important relationship.  Not all relationships can bear the weightiness of working through disagreements, conflicts, jealousies, immaturity, and a variety of issues that crop up in staying unified in a relationship that involves two very different people.  Personalities, life experiences, conflict resolution and getting through tough situations takes a lot of communication and the ability to compromise, forgive, change direction and working together no longer works.  Many couples simply have a difficult time trying to maneuver through many of those life challenges.  Still, there remains an inner sadness because what was once a love story has soured into a relationship ending, oftentimes with unkind thou...

 LOSS OF HOME/PROPERTY With all the devastating fires, hurricanes, tornadoes and other natural disasters that can destroy homes, churches, businesses and communities within minutes, this sense of loss can bring an overwhelming feeling of despair.  To lose one’s house is not just a place filled with the collection of material items that tell pieces of our life stories like furniture, clothes, photos and memorabilia, but a living sanctuary we call home.  Not only do we grieve the loss of home but a sacred sanctuary where we once slept, worked, played, enjoyed and were our true self.  Being in a place where we can be our true self is what makes a house a home.   Getting through the loss of someone you love is a hard enough, but when you lose property it’s a different kind of loss, because you lost your bearings.  A whirlwind of memories of times shared with people we love and cared for in that holy space feels toppled with this overwhelming sense of uncer...

GOD’S SILENCE When we are grieving, the silence of God feels deadening, but true to form, it is in total silence that God is closest to us.  Some of us have blamed God for taking our loved one and have no use or are mad at God.  If that is where you are at, give yourself time to absorb the multitude of thoughts, feelings and emotions you are going through.  God is certainly giving you the time and space and grace you need.  In Scripture in the book of 1Kings, Elijah thought he would find God in earthquakes, the wind, storms, or in a fire, but where Elijah found God was in complete silence.    In sheer peaceful silence.  This is where God held Elijah.  In the silence.  This is where God holds you.                       “ For God alone , O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him ”  Psalm 62:5 For more information visit https://www.chaplainmary.net/ Or check out my book:...

GRIEF WHEN GHOSTED Being “ghosted” is when someone in a relationship, whether casual or serious, family or friend, simply vanishes, never to be heard from again.  They stop all forms of communication without an explanation or having a conversation with you as to why they want to end the relationship.  It leaves the person who was ghosted feeling completely at odds, often taking on the blame as to what they did to halt the relationship.  Questions naturally arise:  Did I say or do something that offended them – spending countless hours of mental energy trying to figure out someone else’s inability to maintain a relationship.  When someone ghosts you without explanation, this silent treatment speaks volumes to their having issues and how they handle conflict is to be outright rude, immature, inconsiderate and unreliable.   Those are red flags in any relationship! Try not to spend your mental energy and time trying to figure them out.  If they didn’t...