GRIEF AFTER DIVORCE OR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP


GRIEF AFTER DIVORCE/RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UP

Grieving after a divorce or breaking off a relationship with someone you once deeply cared for means taking a different road down the journey of grief.  Regardless, you still need to take the time to grieve the loss of an important relationship.  Not all relationships can bear the weightiness of working through disagreements, conflicts, jealousies, immaturity, and a variety of issues that crop up in staying unified in a relationship that involves two very different people.  Personalities, life experiences, conflict resolution and getting through tough situations takes a lot of communication and the ability to compromise, forgive, change direction and working together no longer works.  Many couples simply have a difficult time trying to maneuver through many of those life challenges.  Still, there remains an inner sadness because what was once a love story has soured into a relationship ending, oftentimes with unkind thoughts, words, gestures and all-consuming negative feelings.  For those who participated and endorsed this now broken relationship, there is an unspoken uncomfortableness in being around the people who are breaking up.  Add to that any children from that union and the feelings become even more bittersweet – sweet because of the children, yet bitter because of the brokenness.  

Grieving loss due to brokenness is an important step in the process of true healing.  Lives are split apart and emotions are raw for the unforeseeable future.  Life takes on new complications like custody of children, property settlements, financial disagreements…the list goes on.  Many people want to skip the grief journey and immediately get involved in another relationship.  The problem with that is that no inner work has been done to look deeply into one’s sense of self to investigate and evaluate one’s own deeper feelings about the loss.  Raw emotions remain in the present.  What really happens if you skip grief is that YOU just pass YOU on to the next person without doing the inner work of understanding your deeper self in order to truly heal.  Our minds want to forget why this relationship didn’t make it nor do we want to better understand our responsibility in how and why the relationship didn’t make it.  To top that off, our hearts don’t want to feel the depth of brokenness either.  That is why time is needed to think through and realize and embrace our part in mind and heart over the loss.  Realizing and embracing the brokenness is so hard to do when we’re actually living it – we can only truly realize these things once we’re outside of it.  So, if you’ve just experienced a break-up, I encourage you to take some time and just grieve your loss, think about why this relationship collapsed, feel the sadness of what once made you feel such love with that partner, and realize what you truly want in your next relationship and what You need to do in order for any relationship to work.  Grow yourself from this life experience…and even more importantly, don’t forget to take God with you - especially through the messiest parts inside all of it!

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand".   Isaiah 41:10

For more information visit https://www.chaplainmary.net/
Or check out my book:

https://www.amazon.com/Skirting-Thin-Veil-Meaningful-Life-Changing

Photo by Chaplain Mary


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