GRIEF ADVICE ABOUT SAYING I'M SORRY

So often when people acknowledge the death of a loved one to those who are grieving, we say “I’m sorry” or “I’m sorry for your loss.”  This quick exchange is usually a segway line in hopes to quickly change the subject and talk about something else.  Most of us are uncomfortable with the subject matter because we really don’t know what to say and want to change the conversation thinking it better to protect the grieving person from talking about their grief.  What doesn't make sense is we normally say “I’m sorry” when we seek forgiveness because we’ve done something to hurt or offend another.  We know we didn’t hurt the person we are offering our “I’m sorries” to, even though we know they are hurting.  Saying “I’m sorry” is like putting a bandaid over an incredibly deep and sorrowful wound.  In actuality, saying “I’m sorry” makes us feel better and doesn’t really validate the deeper grief and open wound experienced for those who are grieving.  I’m sorry doesn’t lead the conversation to the next level, like asking:  How are YOU doing?  How are YOU holding up?  What can I do to support YOU?  Or tell me about your loved one or express in your own words something personal that can offer a more intimate type of comfort and put the focus back on the person experiencing the loss.  

If you’re at a loss for words as to what to say to someone who is grieving, take a few minutes to pray about what you need to say, and let what is inside your heart lead you to speak in your own voice your own words of comfort.

“…God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  2Cor 1:3b-4 

For more information visit https://www.chaplainmary.net/
Or check out my book:

https://www.amazon.com/Skirting-Thin-Veil-Meaningful-Life-Changing

Photo by Chaplain Mary

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

GREED AND GRIEF

Image
GREED AND GRIEF No doubt after the death of a loved one, money issues can arise that can cause disparity and disruption inside a family relationship.  Suddenly, folks who were scarce come out to claim their share of the family money pie.  The death of a loved one doesn’t always bring out the best in people as it can bring out emotions of entitlement, especially when larger sums of money are on the line.  Trying to deal with these difficult issues can harvest a variety of negative emotions and really can make it extremely messy inside the family system.  It’s always hard to put a price or value to one’s life after death, let alone trying to satisfy the financial quest of those who become filled with greed.   Greed is an emotion that can compromise one’s values – not value in terms of money, but the values we hold in our own self-worth.  Greed always begs one to ask themselves this question:  Is my greed really worth It? If you are dealing with fami...
Read more

HATE

Image
HATE.   We should all hate the word hate.  Hate is an extreme and real feeling people can have for another.  Hate is holding a deep hostility with such an intensity, especially when someone has been wronged or deeply hurt by another.  Hate is derived from fear, anger or sense of injury.  In the case of grief, issues of hate can arise when someone we love has been injured or died because they were wronged by another, regardless of whether the act was intentional or accidental.  The problem with hate is that it can become all-consuming and fill our minds with such negativity and darkness.  Hate can and will stunt our emotional maturity.   When someone has been wronged by another resulting in the death of a loved one, it would be almost impossible not to experience the feelings of hatred toward the person who committed the act.   But working through the multitude of feelings that hatred can spring within, there should be more dist...
Read more

GRIEF AFTER DIVORCE OR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP

Image
GRIEF AFTER DIVORCE/RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UP Grieving after a divorce or breaking off a relationship with someone you once deeply cared for means taking a different road down the journey of grief.  Regardless, you still need to take the time to grieve the loss of an important relationship.  Not all relationships can bear the weightiness of working through disagreements, conflicts, jealousies, immaturity, and a variety of issues that crop up in staying unified in a relationship that involves two very different people.  Personalities, life experiences, conflict resolution and getting through tough situations takes a lot of communication and the ability to compromise, forgive, change direction and working together no longer works.  Many couples simply have a difficult time trying to maneuver through many of those life challenges.  Still, there remains an inner sadness because what was once a love story has soured into a relationship ending, oftentimes with unkind thou...
Read more