Moments with Mary

That word closure tends to bring a sense of unease to people who are grieving when asked if they have brought closure to the death of their one.  Closure is defined as a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.  Truth be told, death, no matter how peaceful nor how traumatic, can’t be resolved because it is so permanent.  Nor do we ever want to close the door on the memory of our loved one.   Then there is that saying about “Letting Go.”  We don’t ever want to let go of our loved one, nor should we.  Rather, we can let go of the pain caused by the intense traumatic circumstances surrounding their death and the emotional intensity of their loss.  But letting go of them…never.  Take heed.  The emotional trauma surrounding the circumstances of losing someone we love so much does need to heal and often takes a great deal of time to come to terms to finding peace with those circumstances.  Keeping that hurt and...

There are times in the grief journey when grief can just blow up within you with no notice.  It’s like a firecracker has gone off inside and sends a shower of tears, hurt and brokenness and the overwhelming pain of loss takes over your entire being.  The grief is so unexpected and so messy, your heart feels overcome with feelings of not being in control of anything…not even yourself.  Something triggered the raw emotions you feel for your loved one and erupted them to come to the surface and cause an explosion within.  The trigger can be as simple as something someone said, or recalling a lost memory, or a relived moment in time.  That trigger is so incredibly powerful because you weren’t even consciously aware that before the explosion, you were even feeling so dead inside. When you are ambushed by grief, settle yourself down by taking a deep breath and allow that breath to calm the eruption within.  Next, visually place your heartache in the hands of God ...

SLEEPING IN PEACE It is a scientific fact that sleep is as vital to our survival as food and water; yet, when we are grieving, the grief that we hold inside can trigger the release of stress hormones which can greatly affect our ability to sleep.  The noise once released by our loved one has gone silent and the quiet silence we now hear, especially during the night-time hours when there are fewer disruptions, can seep in feelings of anxiousness and despair.  There is nothing more exhausting than crisis fatigue, which is emotional distress that comes out of loss which can completely weigh down our body, disrupt our minds, and crush our spirit.  Those "distressors" can greatly affect our ability to get a good night’s sleep. When you can’t sleep, consciously take steps to relax your body and place your anxious thoughts and myriad of feelings into a journal and then mentally and methodically let go of them by releasing each and every one of them into God’s hands.  After ...

Walking forwards…backwards.  That old saying: you can take two steps forwards and one step backwards is truly on point during the grief journey.  Those forward and backwards steps still indicate you are making progress….it just may take you a little longer than you thought it will take you to get through it.   Every journey in life is a series of steps.  Some steps involve struggle, some will include doubt, and there will even be times you will feel a sense of failure.  But there are also steps that will make you feel hope, some steps that will show you how incredibly blessed you are; and yes, there will be steps that will even give you a sense of feeling encouraged.   Grief is not a walk forwards nor is grief a walk backwards.  It’s an ongoing journey.  Every day will bring a mixture of ups and downs and you just need to keep on going.   The beauty of the grief journey is that no matter whether you are up or down, you are neve...

Isn’t it fascinating how memory resounds not only in our heads, but also in our hearts?  It’s like the memories with our loved one echo down a long corridor leaving a permanent and pulsing imprint inside who we are.  Some of those memories can also bring a painful sense of missing…a longi ng…wanting nothing more but to have our loved one sitting beside us, exchanging everyday conversation, being fully present to one another.   When God created us, God gave us an extraordinary gift by ensuring we are able carry those precious memories deep inside of us.  Even if our memories carried in our brains aren’t as sharp as they used to be, cherished memories inside our hearts can never be taken away because those memories are forever seared into every fiber of our being.   Death can never break the holy bond with our loved one.  That holy bond lives on forever.       “I give thanks to my God at every remembrance of you, praying always w...