Moments with Mary

GRIEF WHEN GHOSTED Being “ghosted” is when someone in a relationship, whether casual or serious, family or friend, simply vanishes, never to be heard from again.  They stop all forms of communication without an explanation or having a conversation with you as to why they want to end the relationship.  It leaves the person who was ghosted feeling completely at odds, often taking on the blame as to what they did to halt the relationship.  Questions naturally arise:  Did I say or do something that offended them – spending countless hours of mental energy trying to figure out someone else’s inability to maintain a relationship.  When someone ghosts you without explanation, this silent treatment speaks volumes to their having issues and how they handle conflict is to be outright rude, immature, inconsiderate and unreliable.   Those are red flags in any relationship! Try not to spend your mental energy and time trying to figure them out.  If they didn’t...

GRIEF:  NATURE VERSUS NURTURE There are a lot of studies about human nature versus nurture and what is innate within us and what we learn and/or expose ourselves to.  From a scientific perspective, “nature” refers to the biological/genetic predispositions that impact one's human traits — physical, emotional, and intellectual. “Nurture,” in contrast, describes the influence of learning and other “environmental” factors on these traits.   Grief affects our physical, emotional and intellectual nature, both naturally and environmentally.  Our loved one is gone and we have to adjust to living life without them.  It is one of the most difficult adjustments we make in our lifetime.  What we’ve learned about death and how we actually deal with it is a test in understanding divine nature.  Death is outside of our mindful grasp and control and takes us outside and beyond the natural world. So, just how do we adjust biologically and allow nature to nurture u...

GRIEF PTSD has a funny way of sneaking up on you months and even years after you think you’ve recovered from the loss of your loved one.  Whether it’s reliving the trauma and circumstances of the death of your loved one or struggling with guilt or regret with decisions you had to make, you will more likely than not experience PTSD in the years ahead.  Our minds are incredible computers of recall that can remember details and circumstances, especially when they are traumatic in nature.  The mental images that can occur whether in dreams or in the moment, can be just as vivid as they day they actually happened.  Add to that, our minds reflecting upon the myriad of situations and what could, would or should have happened to prevent their loss.  We want to reimagine what could have taken place differently so that our loved one is still alive and living with us. A few seconds in time can change the entire outcome of a life; yet we can’t take back those moments nor ch...

LOSS OF ABILITIES There are so many types of loss, especially as it relates to the death of a loved one, and it’s also important to recognize and address the grief we feel when we experience a loss of abilities.  Loss of abilities can occur from a variety of circumstances: a sudden tragedy where one can lose the ability to move or being born without the ability to see, speak, hear, or move, removing one’s ability to fully take care of themselves  The process of aging can bring many losses where we can lose the ability to do so many things in life that were once so very easy to do.  So many of us will experience times, whether it be short or long-term, when our bodies lose their ability to do certain activities because time is needed to heal or time has limited what was once so easy to do.   What is important to recognize is that when we lose one ability, we gain strength in other abilities.  Our mind and our bodies learn how to find strength in other areas ...