Moments with Mary

HANDING OVER FEAR The emotion of Fear is a natural part of the grief journey and our human experience. You have already faced the fear of loss and now you’re dealing with the reality of that loss.  New fears erupt about feeling lost because your loved one is no longer here to ground you, and, in some respects, you’re starting all over again.  Those fears can stop us from moving forward because when we’re afraid and locked in fear, we can't seem to move forward.   In order to overcome fear, try writing down what you fear so you can stare fear in the face.  Bring mindfulness into your fears and don’t allow fear to consume your positive emotions.  It's helpful to talk to supportive others to process the emotional impact fear has on you.   This great advice about facing fear was offered in a movie one-liner: “When you have to face your fear, the fear might not go away…you might have to do it afraid.”  So, overcome your fears by placing your fears...

I MISS ME.  Where did I go?  I used to feel so alive; yet this grief inside of me makes me feel the opposite.  Grief drags me down and wears me out.  I miss laughing, singing, feeling carefree, joyful moments. All I feel now is everything is “missing.”  I’m missing my loved one.  I miss the way I used to be.  I miss me. Don’t look back.  Look within.  At some point, you will get back to you…not the old you.  But the renewed you.  You are surviving the hardest, difficult and most barren period in your life.  The biggest difference between then and now is who you were and who you are now.  You will never be the same because you can’t be the same.  Not now.  Not ever.  Even without your loved one you are changed.  Because now you are stronger.  Now you are wiser.  Now you fully understand the true limitations of human life.   Be assured one day, you will be reunited with your loved one....

WALL OF PROTECTION:  When we lose someone we love so very much either by death or broken relationships, we enter a time period of grief that is unbelievably painful to body, mind and spirit.  We can’t eat, sleep, or think and in every way feel crushed and forlorn.  Our natural instincts to protect ourselves kick in.  Slowly and silently, we start building a protective interior wall so that we don’t ever have to feel that kind of pain ever again.  Given the reality that death and relationship disruptions are a part of life - we will probably lose more people we love before our lives come to an end.  Still, this protective wall – this silent instinct tries to shield us from ever feeling that incredibly deep hurtful pain again.   Yet it is that protective shield that can bring us even more loss because if we allow it to, the wall can get so high, we stop ourselves from the joy of ever feeling that deeply again about anyone.  We stop our ability ...

HOLY HEARING It's unfortunate there are people who have difficulty listening to someone who is grieving.  I’ve observed grievers express some deeply personal thoughts to people they think are listening to them, when in fact, what was just expressed to the listener went right over them.  If only listeners didn’t have to interject their own stories or change the subject or make judgement because grief makes them uncomfortable.  If only they affirmed your need to speak by giving you their full attention.   If you are grieving, you need to find someone who will deeply listen to you.  It's so important you express what is happening to you.  You may need to invite someone to be your special listener.  Listeners show they are listening by looking at you, with body language that relays they are fully present to you.  They don’t have to verbally respond or try to “fix” you.  They simply need to give you their full attention by giving you the time...