Moments with Mary

GOING TO THE DARK SIDE OF GRIEF If you have lost a loved one to violence, trauma or abuse, grief can take you to an even darker place.  A decision by someone that entailed violating your loved one has not just changed one life, but has changed everyones lives associated with them.  One senseless act of violence can come to consume every thought.  That violent moment in time has changed all time.   Someone else’s decision has also harvested an unabashed hatred never felt before…and if you have never felt scorn before, you do now.  Forgive?  Hell No.  Hate?  Hell Yes.   Grief and anger and vengeance become so heavy inside.  With all that anger, hate and scorn, the weight soon becomes way too heavy to carry.  There are tons of emotions hanging within, the weight pulling us down to the dark side.  All that can be seen is red.  This inner fury, this tempest of emotions stored somewhere inside the inner self has erupte...

 Roadmap through Grief There is no roadmap through grief.  Psychological experts have outlined the common stages of the grief journey, which are:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope.  Even though experts have tried to outline various stages experienced in the grief process, none of those stages seem to acknowledge feeling so incredibly lost getting through them nor for how long we will feel or be lost.  Nor is there a roadmap that lets us know what direction to follow when we’re grieving.  Truly, there should be a stage called “lost” because there doesn’t seem to be a direction forward, backwards or within.   Lost is exactly how grief feels.   Don’t lose heart.  Don’t lose direction.  Lost has a road of its own.  Follow the direction of your heart.  Keep following that special compass in your heart because lost will lead you to the next and then to the next and eventually to healing.  Don’...

During the grief journey, it feels like I'm suspended in time.  There is no morning.  There is no afternoon.  There is no evening.  No midnight.  Time has no meaning.  It seems as though I’m suspended inside an eternal waiting room and no one is there to call out my name to take me into a room where all of the questions that lie heavy on my heart can be answered.   This desperate search for answers for some one to explain to me that mystery called death.  I’m holding onto every explanation that could possibly make sense searching for anything that could bring healing to the ache inside my soul.  But the more I search, more questions arise.  Where is God?  What am I to do now?  Why did my loved one have to die?  Why did they die the way they did?  Why did any of this happen?  Could I have done something to change the circumstances I am in?  So many more questions than answers.   Stay inside of ...

Good Grief:  An old-fashioned cartoon character, Charlie Brown, often exclaimed “Good Grief” whenever he realized something new or different was taking place in his life.  And that is exactly what grief triggers in each of us as we go through the grief process:  that we come to realize or understand so much more clearly so many things about our lives. We would never have the same perspective about life if we didn’t ever grieve.  The grief journey truly is a holy and productive time in our lives.  While the grief process indeed has its difficult moments, grief also brings into each of us a new and renewed awareness of who we are and what is important to us.  Grief teaches us about how strong we are and how fragile we are; how deeply we love and how much we were loved by another.  Grief shows us how significant relationships are to who we are.  While the grief journey isn’t something we want to go through; once we’re thrust into it, the path leads u...

The Anchor inside of Me.   We were created to have within us a deep innate source of strength to get through unimaginable circumstances, such as trauma, violence, pain, or the death of a loved one.  For some of us that source is God or our faith in a higher power.  For those who don’t believe in God, I can assure you God believes in you.  Some people find their source of strength in family or friends; for others, nature; for others, something outside of self that brings us this amazing gift we call hope.  Hope pulls us from darkness into the light. Whatever source is innate in you, it’s important to identify your source and call upon that source to strengthen you through the darkest or hardest of times.  Call upon that source as your spiritual anchor that keeps you grounded when life hits rocky waters.  Picture that source as your anchor that can keep you in one place so you’re not all over the place.  That inner anchor will help you to cope ...